| Sometime in our youth we come to understand the | | | | instantly I started making a change. In this regard, |
| issue and challenge of making personal changes. We | | | | you may need patience with yourself. |
| carry that understanding with us forever, yet many | | | | The rule of thumb about habits is that is takes 21 |
| people never decide to become its master. We avoid | | | | days of repeated action to start forming a new habit. |
| change like the plague. We do everything we can to | | | | It doesn't sound like much, until you try doing it. |
| "make it NOT happen". Don't you find that | | | | Because the new thing is not a habit, it means you |
| interesting? Change is the only constant we have in | | | | have to consciously make yourself do something. |
| life yet we dread it and react with panic. We also | | | | Because it's not a habit means you have to |
| don't pass down much wisdom about dealing with it | | | | remember to do the new thing at the appropriate |
| from one generation to the next. | | | | time. For most of us, it will mean you have to |
| There is a duality that exists in our society about | | | | develop a system of some sort to reinforce this new |
| change. On one hand, we are a country that was | | | | action until it becomes a habit. A system is simply |
| formed due to a drive for change and as a result, | | | | something you build into your daily routine that will |
| we are a change dependent nation. We count on | | | | trigger you to do certain things. It can be setting the |
| new everything. We expect new cars, computers, | | | | timer on your watch or writing a sticky note and |
| bodies, presidents and attitudes. On the other hand, | | | | putting it on the refrigerator. |
| we ignore it, we avoid it and in doing so, we don't | | | | Another aspect to consider is the payoff you |
| help each other move through change. | | | | receive. Our actions reflect what works for us even |
| There are multiple factors feeding into this issue. | | | | if those actions aren't positive or healthy. Somewhere |
| Before I go into them, let me say that change is a | | | | along your life path, you thought or acted a certain |
| process. The change and transition process are well | | | | way and got some kind of pay off. One of our most |
| studied and there are very effective things a person | | | | common issues is having negative beliefs (thoughts) |
| can do to maximize the opportunity that change | | | | about our self. The process might go something like |
| represents. | | | | this: You miss a question on a test. You say "I'm so |
| The main reason change is so hard to do is it usually | | | | stupid". The payoff is that you don't have to "take |
| represents some kind of habitual behavior. Habits help | | | | credit" for missing the question because YOU'RE |
| us cut down on the energy and effort it takes to | | | | STUPID. Of course, you missed it! The payoff is |
| function each day. Some habits are great, like | | | | subtle. The payoff here is both a rationalization and |
| brushing your teeth. Other habits are bad, like over | | | | lack of responsibility. You may have a habit that you |
| eating. We are clueless about some habits like | | | | no longer even know what the payoff is. Self |
| interpersonal skills. We know we don't obtain great | | | | examination is usually required as part of the change |
| results with some people, but often we don't know | | | | process. |
| why. Even our thoughts are habits, such as being | | | | Lastly, there is often a social aspect to change that |
| defensive or happy. Habits serve a purpose, but | | | | will make your change a challenge. Depending on the |
| aren't always helpful. Habits also can be a very | | | | change, the people around you can make it difficult |
| unconscious drive that we don't even give much | | | | to make changes. We are all part of social fabric and |
| thought to, we just do something a certain way. | | | | when one thread attempts to change, the fabric will |
| Your first step toward change is to be conscious of | | | | reinforce the previous behavior. Change of one |
| the NEED to change. Easier said than done. This | | | | person in a group usually means the entire group |
| means you first must recognize an issue, then you | | | | changes to some degree. You are multiplying the |
| need to really "get it" at your emotional and rational | | | | change by the number of people in your personal |
| core. You must become emotionally impacted by the | | | | network by the impact of your change. |
| need for change. For several years I packed around | | | | It's important to point out that change does present |
| some extra pounds and clearly knew I was | | | | opportunities. It's an enticing but much over looked |
| overweight. At the same time, I was totally fine with | | | | outcome of change. Sometimes, it doesn't always |
| it and did nothing. So, on one level I knew I had an | | | | look like there might be an opportunity but eventually |
| issue, but it didn't make it into my core being what | | | | most people do recognize the good that came by |
| the issue or motivation for change would be. When I | | | | making change. I have talked with numerous people |
| finally made the decision, it wasn't a "lightning bolt" | | | | over the years that were devastated by losing their |
| but rather tiny little steps in that direction. I've had | | | | jobs but in the long run found it was just what they |
| other changes to make that did strike me and | | | | needed to go on to do the next great thing. |