| This past year, I have come to appreciate the power | | | | misunderstandings or neglect. |
| of truly loving myself. Most of my life, being alone | | | | Here are some ideas for 'dates with yourself'. You |
| was one of my biggest fears. I found myself in | | | | can intermix several activities below into one date: |
| numerous relationships for the wrong reasons and | | | | - Reading Date - Go to a trendy café or find |
| ended up settling in ill-fitting 'partnerships'. This deeply | | | | a comfortable place at home and read something |
| rooted fear and lack of understanding of myself | | | | inspirational for an hour or more. Have some hot |
| caused the relationships to become my whole world; | | | | herbal tea, cut up some fruits or crackers with |
| my focus of attention; my center. I would sacrifice | | | | cheese. Fully enjoy the experience. |
| my own goals for the other person. And, when the | | | | - Forgiveness & Gratitude Date - Find a |
| relationship collapsed, so did my sense of self. | | | | comfortable spot. I like to sit on a bench overlooking |
| Through much introspection, I realized the source of | | | | the water at sunset, or curled up on the couch in my |
| these failed relationships was myself. I realized that I | | | | living room table surrounded by candles. |
| didn't truly love or appreciate myself and had relied | | | | - Forgive - Write on a journal or loose paper all the |
| on external sources for love and approval. I decided | | | | things you forgive yourself for. We tend to be very |
| to change. I had to overcome my fear of loneliness | | | | harsh on ourselves, and voluntarily blame ourselves |
| by finding independence and personal freedom. Even | | | | internally for failures, failures of achievement, failures |
| since I found true appreciation for myself, the quality | | | | to action, etc. Take this time to forgive yourself for |
| of relationships I have attracted has been | | | | all the harsh things said, for mistreatment of your |
| phenomenal. I have discovered that the more I loved | | | | health, etc. |
| and understood myself, the less I feared being by | | | | - Gratitude - List out all the things in your life you are |
| myself, and the more healthy relationships I have | | | | thankful for. This is my favorite thing to do. |
| attracted into my life. | | | | - Admiration - List out all the things that others |
| I started doing what I called "Dates with myself". | | | | admire about you. What are some things they'd say |
| Regardless my external relationship status, I would | | | | that you are good at or have natural abilities |
| schedule time with myself. I would literally take | | | | towards? Notice that I wanted you to pretend to be |
| myself out on a date and spend that time totally | | | | another person looking at yourself. We tend to blank |
| focused on myself. It's my time. We spend so much | | | | on this question when asking ourselves directly. |
| time and energy focused on others that we forget | | | | Musical Date - Take in a live concert after treating |
| to recharge the source of that energy. It is only | | | | yourself to a healthy and satisfying meal. For |
| when you are well that you can have the energy and | | | | example, every Thursday, I used to make myself a |
| internal resources to make a positive difference and | | | | great raw vegetarian meal and then go to the |
| help others. This is a simple, yet powerful concept | | | | Symphony. Did you know that you could get cheap |
| that can dramatically improve your wellbeing, | | | | single tickets in the first 4 rows? In Seattle, it's $15 |
| effectiveness and mental health. | | | | at Seattle Symphony. Most people are not aware of |
| Before attempting a 'date with yourself', Here are a | | | | this. It's not advertised. |
| few things to keep in mind: | | | | Another idea is going to a jazz club or a show. Talk |
| - Remove Disturbances - unplug your phone, power | | | | to strangers when you are there. You'll find the |
| down the cell phone and blackberry, shut down the | | | | experience much more rewarding. |
| computer, turn off the tv. Do not let your mind get | | | | Yoga or Meditation Date - Take a group yoga or |
| distracted during your self-date. This is your time to | | | | meditation class at a local gym, community center, or |
| just be with yourself. | | | | temple. I used to do drop in classes at YMCA. They |
| - Being Solo - It's important that you are on your | | | | are $10 a class for non-members. After class, jump |
| own. You can talk to strangers, and make new | | | | into the Jacuzzi if there is one. Come home, enjoy a |
| friends, but you are on the self-date to get | | | | light meal and relax for the evening. |
| acquainted with yourself, no one else. If you live with | | | | Outdoors Date - Go for a long walk in an area that |
| a partner, schedule it so he/she isn't home, or just | | | | interests you. Go to a park, go camping, go for a |
| take yourself out of the house. If you have kids, find | | | | long drive. I like to spend an hour on Sundays walking |
| a sitter, or plan around when your kids are not at | | | | through the 'pike place' market (local farmer's |
| home. It's also important to realize that this time is a | | | | market) with my dog, Tommy. I enjoy seeing all the |
| gift for yourself, and you should only be focused on | | | | tourists, fresh produce and the energy in the market. |
| your well-being. | | | | I also like to walk along the waterfront. It's a good |
| - Schedule - Plan how long you would like your dates | | | | idea to bring a book and some water with you. |
| to last. Set a minimum time, and commit to focus on | | | | Wander without rushing. |
| yourself for at least that time. I typically schedule 2-4 | | | | Art & Culture - Go to an art gallery opening or a |
| hour dates with myself. | | | | local museum. In Seattle, we have the art walk the |
| - Communicate - if you are in a relationship, it's | | | | first Thursday of every month where many galleries |
| important to communicate what you are doing and | | | | are open into the night. It's very festive and inspiring, |
| it's benefits clearly with your partner. Not only do we | | | | and I especially enjoy the people watching. |
| get their support, but also avoid any | | | | |