| Co-dependency! A word that I wish had never | | | | constant fear that I would lose him. Frustrated, he |
| entered my vocabulary - or life. But it did, starting | | | | would say "Mom this is not about YOU. It's about ME. |
| back in 1988, when my youngest son was 17 years | | | | I'm a drug addict and will have to fight this for the |
| old. The malignancy - his addiction and my | | | | rest of my life." I would tell him "No, no Scott. You're |
| co-dependency - grew over the next 14 years until | | | | smart and you're strong, you can beat this. You are |
| his death put an end to his suffering and abruptly | | | | not an addict." |
| halted my co-dependency. | | | | I was in such denial. I just could not accept that my |
| I think most of us who love an addicted person are | | | | son suffered from something that he could not |
| co-dependent to one extent or another. Also a lot of | | | | control. My every waking moment was spent |
| us are enablers. I am embarrassed to admit that I | | | | worrying about him, waiting for his phone calls, |
| was so co-dependent while my son was struggling | | | | worrying when the phone would ring, worrying when |
| with his disease, and yes, we did enable him, that I | | | | the phone would not ring. I was Queen of the |
| was almost as sick as he was, perhaps more so. | | | | Co-Dependents. It was my life. It was my sickness. |
| Enablers enable usually out of much love for the | | | | But it was a sickness borne out of love for my son. I |
| addicted person and the belief that they will save the | | | | could not, and would not, give up on him. |
| person by enabling, whether this is calling in sick for | | | | It's very easy to admonish people not to be |
| them at work, or giving them money and paying their | | | | co-dependent. Would that it were that easy to stop |
| bills, or whatever. My co-author in my first book and | | | | being co-dependent. Nancy Reagan's famous mantra |
| a contributor to my second book is Heiko Ganzer | | | | to drug and alcohol addicted people, "Just Say No" |
| ,LCSW, CASAC who offers enormous insight into | | | | could just as easily be applied to co-dependents. |
| enabling. | | | | Sounds simple. Just Say No. Again, would that it were |
| I only wish I had truly known all about addiction, | | | | that easy. |
| co-dependency and enabling while my own son was | | | | As moms we are nurturers. It's our instinct to do all |
| struggling. Could I have saved him? Probably not, but | | | | that we can to save our child. Sometimes in trying to |
| I would have had a better understanding of the | | | | save them, we just add more fuel to the fire. |
| torment that he was going through. | | | | Although we may realize this on some intellectual |
| While my son was struggling to beat the addiction, | | | | level, it's the emotional level that does us in. In our |
| we had many fights. Mind you, my son and I had an | | | | own misguided way we will do whatever we can, |
| extremely close bond. He always told people that I | | | | whatever it takes to try to save our child. |
| was his best friend. But the addiction got in the way | | | | Ultimately, the only thing that stopped my |
| of our loving relationship many times. | | | | co-dependency, was the unbearable loss of my son |
| I was devastated by his drug use and lived in | | | | at age 31. His suffering has ended. Ours endures. |