| Encounters with hypercritical and aggressive bosses | | | | Ask The Boss - Disarm a Boss Bully by asking for |
| that are never satisfied, can make the work you | | | | specific feedback on your work. When you ask for |
| could love seem unfulfilling and tedious. | | | | comments from a Boss Bully, you get more accurate |
| Then again, maybe YOU really ARE the problem! | | | | feedback and less negativity. If s/he doesn't |
| Does your "Boss Bully" have just cause, but | | | | spontaneously say anything about a project you did |
| inappropriate methods? Or does s/he treat most | | | | well, ask specifically about it. Be pleasant, positive, |
| everyone with contempt? Assuming the "Boss Bully" | | | | cooperative, and show genuine interest in their |
| really is a bully, what can be done about it? | | | | opinion. Don't be sarcastic or mocking or defensive. |
| Often, as companies are forced to streamline, the | | | | Ask for clarification especially if you detected |
| staff gets leaner, the workloads get bigger, and | | | | negativity in their tone. Once you get the clarification, |
| bosses get meaner. Vacation and sick time, deadlines | | | | immediately reflect it back to them in slightly |
| and workloads, and performance reviews seem to | | | | different words. This shows the boss that you |
| get more and more restrictive. | | | | understand what they said. Then follow-up with an |
| The truth is that these "Boss Bullies" often live under | | | | email fairly paraphrasing what you heard. The Boss |
| the gun and face similar pressures from their own | | | | Bully will usually react better toward you when they |
| bosses; they have a way of transferring their own | | | | hear their own words coming back at them. Boss |
| pressure to others... the Chain of Pain may help ease | | | | Bullies often are not even aware of their own |
| their burden, but it is ultimately neither good for | | | | negativity. Of course, if they simply do not like you |
| themselves, their employees or their organization. | | | | personally, then this probably won't work. Prepare |
| Here is a list of some other Boss Bullying tactics: | | | | your resume and start looking for another job... it |
| · Gives you their own work to do, but takes all the | | | | may take some time, but the situation is not tenable. |
| credit | | | | Ask HR For Mediation - Depending on your exact |
| · Gives you work that's well below or way above | | | | circumstances, this may or may not be a good idea. |
| your potential | | | | HR is not always neutral and your Boss Bully may not |
| · Doesn't follow their own work rules (attendance, | | | | react favorably to this tactic. However, under the |
| lunch breaks, deadlines, gossiping, handling personal | | | | right circumstances, it may work in your favor. Do |
| affairs during work, etc.) | | | | your homework before trying this! |
| · Gives little or no explanation when they make a | | | | Detach: Regardless of the negativity or criticism, stay |
| mistake | | | | calm but disconnected. Your own emotional state is |
| · Gives little or no praise or sets you up for failure | | | | too important to let criticism trample you. Keep your |
| · Doesn't show any interest or concern in anyone | | | | ego apart from what you are experiencing. Remain |
| I have, over the years, realized that employees can | | | | unemotional and centered, regardless of the boss's |
| be more actively involved in making their job less | | | | affect. Instead try to focus on the criticism and |
| stressful and more satisfying despite Boss Bullies. I | | | | negative body language just enough to understand |
| have come to realize that employees can alleviate | | | | what is being expected of you. Tell yourself, "Okay, I |
| much of their own stress and to be able to work | | | | will just keep doing my best and that's all I can and |
| more effectively in their team. | | | | will do." |
| Here are some ideas to deal with Boss Bullies: | | | | Stop Holding On To False Hope: If the Boss Bully is |
| Take Stock - Take a personal inventory of your | | | | simply negative toward most everyone - although |
| strengths and weaknesses. What do you objectively | | | | difficult - you may eventually have to face the fact |
| do very well, well, average, not so well, poorly? | | | | that there is nothing that you can likely say or do to |
| Where do you need to improve? Could the Boss Bully | | | | change your boss's negative energy. Accepting that |
| be at least partially right in identifying a problem (not | | | | the boss is the way s/he is and that his/her criticism |
| in their methods)? | | | | is inevitable can be a hurdle. But, it can also be an |
| Document - Keep a journal of all of the requests as | | | | important milestone. Honor your personal work ethic |
| well as hypercritical words used by your Boss Bully, | | | | and do the job to the best of your ability. Stop |
| including the date and time, your reactions, and what | | | | taking things so personally and let go. Letting go |
| you would have wanted to occur. By writing the | | | | means that you understand and accept the situation |
| experience down, the negative experience is now | | | | as it truly is, but you chose not to internalize your |
| out of your head and on paper. You don't have to | | | | boss's lack of compassion or negativity. |
| fester on it... it's recorded, so you can "forget" it. You | | | | In this recession most employees feel like they are |
| will also have a record of events, should you need | | | | wearing handcuffs... but these are not the golden |
| them. | | | | handcuffs of past few decades. Many employees |
| Play - After a day of hypercritical comments, do | | | | feel trapped because of they absolutely need to |
| something fun and active or quiet (depending on your | | | | keep their jobs. |
| personality) so you can de-stress. Don't go home | | | | Try to be a bit objective and detached about your |
| immediately. Go to the gym, or, try meditation class, | | | | situation. Panic will not help you! |
| listening to music in the park or going to the library | | | | Be patient and make some logical tradeoffs. Weigh |
| right after work. This allows you to compartmentalize | | | | ALL the factors in a fair and detached manner. For |
| the bad experience, leave it at the activity, and | | | | example, is it better to accept some abuse or be |
| come home in a calmer state of mind. | | | | unemployed? You have to balance your overall |
| Seek Support - You need to know that you are not | | | | happiness and mental well being against paying the |
| the only one affected or suffering from the boss's | | | | bills, losing your spouse or house, etc.. |
| mental blows and scorn. Seek affirmation from | | | | Everyone's personal reality is a bit different, so |
| others who might have similar experiences, compare | | | | carefully plan and take charge of your future. |
| notes. Or, find a Mentor. Listening to colleagues help | | | | If you have a particularly difficult situation, a |
| you learn new tips and tools for dealing with that | | | | professional counselor or coach may be of great help |
| difficulty boss. | | | | to you in sorting out your priorities. |