| It has occurred to me that many of the readers of | | | | way to do that is to just keep repeating your |
| this article may be interested in a career change. If | | | | prediction over and over again until everyone forgets |
| so, I suggest that becoming a stock market guru | | | | how long you've been making the forecast. For role |
| may be worthy of your consideration. It's a job that | | | | models, watch the politicians. They are experts at |
| -- if you follow my advice -- pays extremely well, | | | | not allowing anyone to pin them down on anything |
| doesn't take much your time, requires almost no | | | | that they prefer you not to remember. |
| experience, and can potentially bring you fame and | | | | 3. You must repeat your market prediction loudly, |
| fortune. | | | | often, and with extreme confidence. When the |
| I have been observing market gurus for many years | | | | market goes against you, simply keep repeating that |
| and have noticed that there are certain traits that | | | | you're very confident of your stance and you have |
| the successful ones have in common. So to get your | | | | no doubt that the market will go your way very |
| new venture off to a roaring start, I'm going to tell | | | | soon. Again, you must make people forget about |
| you exactly how to be successful as a stock market | | | | timing issues and the best way to do that is through |
| guru. | | | | repetition. |
| | | | 4. The market will eventually go your way. It may |
| 1. First of all, you must do something to get the | | | | take years, but it will happen. Now listen closely -- |
| attention of the financial media. The way to do that | | | | whenever the market finally goes your direction, no |
| is to make extreme predictions. No "the market is | | | | matter how small a move it is, proudly declare |
| going up 10%" or "down 5%" kind of forecasts. You | | | | victory. I mean shout it from the roof tops. You |
| have to say things like "the Dow is going to 36,000" | | | | were right all along and it's all because of your astute |
| or "button down the hatches, the market is going to | | | | analysis. Do not make any mention of when you first |
| crash any day now." The best way to decide | | | | made your original market call. If you are cornered |
| whether to be bullish or bearish is to measure the | | | | and you must make a comment about your entry |
| mood of the public. You will be much more popular if | | | | point, just say that you have been averaging into |
| you're wildly bullish at market tops or wildly bearish at | | | | your position for quite some time. That way no one |
| market bottoms. You want to tell people what | | | | will know that you actually lost a lot of money. |
| they're already predisposed to believe. Also, you can | | | | 5. Speaking of losing money, never follow your own |
| never change your mind. The media doesn't like that. | | | | predictions by investing your own funds. Otherwise, |
| So be a perma-bull or a perma-bear. But whatever | | | | the income that you make as a famous guru will be |
| you do, never, ever waver from your original stance. | | | | taken away from you by the market. |
| 2. After you have decided whether you want to | | | | Good luck in your new career. And when I see you |
| make a living being extremely bullish or extremely | | | | on CNBC promoting your new book -- Boom Times |
| bearish it is very important that no one remembers | | | | Ahead: Dow 38,437 or How to Get Rich During the |
| when you first made your original prediction. This one | | | | Coming Depression -- I'll know that you took my |
| is going to be tricky and requires some skill. Don't | | | | advice to heart. |
| ever let anyone pin you down on timing issues. The | | | | |