| Boxes are really interesting things.
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| | had made a poor choice of counselors. I
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| It's the first thing we see when we
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| | was not in the mood for Biblical
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| receive something as a gift. It tells us
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| | quotations or a long list of "should's"
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| a lot about the size, weight and contents
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| | and "musts" that minister types are so
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| of what's inside. I remember as a kid,
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| | want to appeal to when they run out of
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| picking up a light box for Xmas meant
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| | actual practical and common sense
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| "clothes" and a heavy box generally meant
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| | observations and perspectives.
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| "Toy", especially if it rolled from one
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| | But soon enough I learned that the "used
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| end of the box to the other upon tipping
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| | to be a minister" was grounded in having
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| and shaking. A box can be a really great
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| | outgrown that box and so we had some
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| thing and bring a lot of joy. As a kid, I
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| | common ground here. He thought it
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| had a Remco Bulldog Tank, which I can
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| | humerous to remind me he did not often
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| still get a nice feeling from by looking
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| | have clients who had been "fired by God."
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| them up for sale still on Ebay. I won't
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| | I said "very funny."At any rate, I
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| be buying one soon as they are around
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| | quickly learned that many people outgrow
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| $300. I remember the original price was
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| | boxes and ministers are no exception. Or
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| around $12. But that box sure brought
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| | at least many minister types want to
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| back memories and now, if I need one, I
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| | outgrow the box they came in, or got at
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| can get an empty Bulldog Tank box for a
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| | school, or their denominational
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| mere $50!We all come in a box when we are
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| | headquarters and pastoral seminars
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| born, and I don't mean the womb.
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| | designed to keep them in a particular
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| Once we arrive, we are slipped into a
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| | denomination box. For years I went to
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| box that we are generally expected to
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| | "meetings" the sole purpose of which was
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| stay in for the rest of our life,
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| | to keep me in line and in the assigned
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| depending on the topic.Of course, we get
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| | box of acceptable theological
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| the box of our family. I personally grew
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| | perspectives. Of course, I thought that
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| up in the Orthodox Presbyterian box. I am
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| | was the right thing to do and where I
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| Dutch and German and came to the planet
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| | needed to be so I didnt "fall away." But
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| in April of 1950 in Rochester, NY to a
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| | in hindsite, it was simply programming
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| young couple who had already had three
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| | designed to keep me on someone elses
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| other kids, one severly handicapped and
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| | straight and narrow, and many of them
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| then me. My dad worked at Eastman Kodak
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| | also proved to be neither on the path of
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| and had managed not to be sent overseas
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| | straight or narrow themselves.That is
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| to fight WW2 with his work for them
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| | often the case when we want to be be out
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| counting as service. Had he been drafted,
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| | of a box, but deem the price too high
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| well I might never have gotten to write
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| | with tribe or Church. We become
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| this. Moms parents had managed to accept
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| | duplistic or as Paul might say, "I became
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| an invitation from friends to postpone
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| | all things to all men..." This is a
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| their Atlantic crossing in April of 1912
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| | concept that to me leaves me wondering
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| and stay until June to be in their
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| | then exactly who was Paul if he was so
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| wedding since they had intention of
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| | willing to put on whatever show needed to
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| returning to Amsterdam once in America.
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| | win over converts. What a duplistic and
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| So they didn't take the Titanic that
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| | deceptive attitude. Does one ever meet
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| April.No choice... just a family that is
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| | the real person if that is how they view
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| ready made. A mom and dad, or maybe just
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| | things. "To the Jew, I became a Jew..."
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| a mom. Various aunts and uncles and of
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| | I can't become all things to all men,
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| course varieties of grandparents, who may
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| | lest I lose myself in the charade.After
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| or may not be thrilled we are here.
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| | gettting well aquainted and sharing my
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| The family may have lots of money and
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| | particular story, I learned that I
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| great stuff, or not much. It might be in
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| | tended, and have all my life, to outgrow
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| the US, Europe, Uzbekistan, China or
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| | my own boxes very quickly. Most never
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| Africa. We might be born into a great
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| | explore the one they are given at birth,
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| home on Oak Street or Heatherwood Way, or
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| | I was reminded, which I have found to be
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| a village in Iraq, Namibia or on the
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| | true. I evidently had a more
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| outskirts of Shanghai. No choices here
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| | inquisitive, open and free spirit, which
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| for us to make. Just the way it is. The
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| | would lend itself to not only looking
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| family may be well employed, employed,
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| | over the edge of the box, but climbing
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| underemployed or unemployed...again, no
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| | out much to the anger, fear and chiding
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| choices for us.In this box we are born
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| | of the tribe.This also tore at me as I
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| into, and mostly expected to stay
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| | have a "how can I help you" temperament
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| forevermore in, we get a religion to grow
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| | which can lend itself to people pleasing
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| up in. It might be Judaism, Catholicism,
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| | and compliance if I am not honest with
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| Buddhism, Islam, Hindu or a host of other
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| | myself. Sometimes we stay put for a very
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| "isms" that again we had no say in. It
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| | long time afraid to speak our mind, share
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| is who others want us to be with all it's
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| | our thoughts or even hint at changes in
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| laws, rituals and beliefs. They did the
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| | our perspectives. It makes people angry
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| religious belief homework long before we
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| | and insecure and is the stuff or
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| arrived and we will love what they choose
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| | countless arguements or family tension.
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| for us. If we don't love it, it just may
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| | I learned what topics to avoid as I did
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| take longer to convince us.Of course I am
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| | not, at that time, want the hassle, the
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| Catholic. I was born Catholic! The idea
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| | look or the rebuttal.I learned that
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| that one cannot really be born with a
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| | outgrowing a box can be very lonely.
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| whole religious belief system in place
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| | Most of those in the previous box spend
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| doesn't seem to cross our minds. What we
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| | their energy keeping you in the box, not
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| mean is we had no choice in our youth but
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| | overjoyed that you want out. Most of
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| to be programmed by those before us who
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| | those in the previous box will not
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| had selected the truth of life for us
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| | accompany you on your new perspectives.
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| that they generally got from those before
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| | They simply won't leave the box with you,
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| them. That box is just one size and you
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| | nor will they offer any support. They
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| and I were expected to simply stay in
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| | might simply disappear from your life or
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| that box, no questions asked. The trouble
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| | refuse to be a friend until you return to
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| comes later in life when we seek to get
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| | the box. Or even if you do return, things
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| out of the box we came in.But often, as
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| | can never quite be the same again,
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| we get older, we find the box we are in
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| | because you dared to even attempt an
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| no longer fits us. While the tribe or
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| | escape.They can make you feel guilty as
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| family may be content with that box, a
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| | hell for evening thinking there were
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| very small part of which they have never
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| | other boxes! They will however remind
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| even explored themselves, we are not. We
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| | you that the box you now need to be in is
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| might not be comfortable in the political
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| | not as real, valid or good for you as the
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| part we inheirited, or the social and
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| | one you left. As a result, many return
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| mostly the religious part we inheirited,
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| | to their harm in the long run."Dennis,
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| and have to not just look around the box
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| | you have two choices..." I was told.
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| given, but actually look up and over the
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| | "You can keep exploring the bigger boxes
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| edge, to see what we can see. This is
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| | that is your nature to do and probably go
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| where the danger, criticism and head
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| | it mostly alone, or you can return to the
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| shaking comes to play in our lives and
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| | box you just got kicked out of and feel a
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| where we have to decide if looking over
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| | bit more secure and "happy." You also
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| the edge of this given box is worth it.
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| | will probably be on antidepressants the
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| We aren't yet saying we are going to
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| | rest of you life." He seemed to know
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| leave the box, but the threat to family,
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| | what he was talking about and I agreed.
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| friends and even ourselves as we think
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| | I was already on those meds at the time,
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| about it is just about to manifest
| |
| | so that made perfect sense.The anxiety
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| itself.The criticism might come for
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| | and depression caused by outgrowing a box
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| reading outside the accepted and given
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| | can be relentless until one developes the
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| box of ideas on all topics from religion
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| | skills to deal with them. For me it is
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| to employment. One might catch it but
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| | staying present and out of the past where
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| good for getting caught having a
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| | there is anger and guilt to deal with and
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| different idea about sexuality or
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| | the future where there is anxiety and
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| adherence to the established religious
| |
| | fear waiting. Sitting in quiet
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| taboos that came in that original box.
| |
| | meditation, a very difficult thing for
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| The religious box you came in might
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| | one raised Dutch, Calvinistic and needing
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| demand a tithe of your income but you no
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| | to always be "productive", but actually
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| longer feel the return on the
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| | is very therapeutic and enlightening. NOW
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| "investment" is worth it, and perhaps God
| |
| | is what we all have. Nothing more and
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| doesn't really need your money. There
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| | nothing less. I am not always
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| will always be someone in the tribe to
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| | successful, but I am getting better at
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| warn you that you can't be "blessed" with
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| | it. When you outgrow a box you genuinely
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| an idea, out of the box, like that.It's
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| | could not stay in, it causes a lot of
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| ok for businessmen to look outside the
| |
| | guilt issues as well and grieving for
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| business box for better ideas or the
| |
| | those that did not either want to come
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| scientific community to see outside the
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| | along or simply couldn't. I have often
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| box of science to give us really cool
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| | now found it almost insane to force a
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| stuff, but it is NOT acceptable for the
| |
| | young couple, upon pain of eternal death
|
| individual to step outside the social,
| |
| | and offending the Deity, to NEVER EVER
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| political or religious aspects of the
| |
| | CHANGE from this day forward, and yet not
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| tribal box, given at birth.The tribe will
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| | be told that EVERYTHING around you will
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| hound you for missing Church or Wednesday
| |
| | change for the rest of your life. Makes
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| night Bible study and suggest that Pastor
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| | no sense to me. This is where certain
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| so and so talk to you, hoping he can
| |
| | institutions seem simply designed to keep
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| stuff you back in the box. Talk like a
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| | one compliant and obedient to the tribe
|
| Democrat when "we are all Republicans,"
| |
| | and to stay in that birth box.Outgrowing
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| and see what happens. Come to different
| |
| | your boxes, if you as inclined to do it,
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| conclusions about wars or presidents and
| |
| | is difficult in many many ways. Most
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| see what happens. You might just have a
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| | simply won't do it when confronted with
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| list of topics we don't talk about in our
| |
| | the tribe, the church and the
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| box.Sometimes they hope a counselor can
| |
| | consequences. Sometimes we get pushed
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| do the same. Perhaps they bring out the
| |
| | out of box whether we like it or not and
|
| big guns and your Grandfather can talk
| |
| | in time will come to see that it was the
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| some sense into you, after all, Grandpa
| |
| | best thing that could have happened,
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| has been in the original box for his
| |
| | thought it feels for a very long time
|
| entire life. If it's good enough for him
| |
| | like the worst. What's bad is often good
|
| and us, it's good enough for YOU!
| |
| | and, of course, what's good can sometimes
|
| Someone might even be so hurt that you
| |
| | end up not so good. Some who win the
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| would want to see outside this given box,
| |
| | lottery seemed chosen to teach us
|
| they scream and cry asking "what....you
| |
| | this.So...we all came in a box of someone
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| think we didn't raise you with the right
| |
| | elses choosing. For many that works just
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| information?" "What...you think we
| |
| | fine and certainly uncomplicates life to
|
| deliberately taught you wrong?"Boy this
| |
| | some degree. But boxes were meant to be
|
| stuff lays you low and can get you away
| |
| | outgrown and while tribal goals can be
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| from the idea of ever looking over the
| |
| | met by staying put, personal goals, needs
|
| top of the box for a very long time.
| |
| | and perspectives can never be enlarged
|
| Guilt, shame and fear are the tools used
| |
| | upon by staying in boxes.Maybe somewhere
|
| to keep the one who suspects bigger boxes
| |
| | there is the final box that opens to
|
| in life than the ones we are all born
| |
| | clear blue skies and pure truth. I hope
|
| into actually exist. So most retreat and
| |
| | so. But for now, just climbing up to the
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| wither under peer, tribal or professional
| |
| | edge of the one you are in and taking a
|
| criticism. And then there are those who
| |
| | look out and around into a bigger box
|
| press on no matter what. It can be a
| |
| | just might be good enough for now. If I
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| lonely trip at times.When I needed a
| |
| | climb out of this current one myself and
|
| counselor to give me some guidance in
| |
| | find that patch of blue endless sky with
|
| that "out of the box" phase, I was lucky
| |
| | pristine rivers and lakes, inhabited by
|
| to have one that understood the concept
| |
| | beings of light, full of only love,
|
| of boxes. He had outgrown a few of his
| |
| | acceptance and truth, you'll all be the
|
| own and understood the process well. At
| |
| | first to know.Dennis Diehl is a boxed in
|
| my first session with him, he told me he
| |
| | human being doing the best he can at the
|
| used to be a minister. Argh..perhaps I
| |
| | moment...honest.
|
