| After living together for many years, your father and | | | | "No." "Then you're not pregnant." "But the pregnancy |
| I married with the intention of one day extending our | | | | test says I am." I protested. She shrugged |
| family. When, and exactly how extended, we didn't | | | | disinterestedly. Suddenly, I started to doubt the truth |
| know - but it was a part of our unwritten contract. | | | | myself. She felt my wrist pulse, a Tibetan diagnostic |
| From that date on we discussed you. You were a | | | | method, and didn't look impressed. "You'll know for |
| lovely figment of our imagination, a lolly that we felt | | | | certain when you're 5 or 6 months pregnant." She |
| we could suck on forever without it ever having to | | | | advised. |
| finish. | | | | Disconcerted and a little disappointed, I changed the |
| At our first wedding anniversary in the Indian | | | | subject. "Tell me, what does a crow symbolise in |
| Himalaya that lovely figment struggled in my mind to | | | | Tibetan mythology?" "It depends upon what the |
| become more than just a fantasy. | | | | crow is doing." She replied. "How about a crow |
| I would love to tell you that I knew the exact | | | | attaching itself to a window and knocking at the |
| moment you were conceived, but I didn't. Perhaps it | | | | pane with its beak?" "That signifies pregnancy." She |
| was that very first moment when we decided it was | | | | stated incuriously and added, "Well, that's what the |
| now or never. Is that physical act not quite as | | | | old Tibetans say." "THAT has been happening to me |
| important as we might like to think? | | | | for the last three days." With unexpected |
| Not long after conception we both used Reiki on my | | | | enthousisam, the Tibetan doctor began pounding my |
| womb to support the process that would one day | | | | hand up and down in her own - "Congratulations!" And |
| become you. It all came together beautifully and | | | | her gold tooth glinted in the light of my happiness. |
| within the month I was pregnant. | | | | Every morning our friend came to our window, |
| After having lived in Darjeeling for a year in the | | | | balanced himself fully extended on a thin wooden slat |
| house on the hill with our Reiki centre, we were | | | | and knocked with his beak, "tak, tak, tak". He would |
| packing up to leave and by the time the pregnancy | | | | then sit patiently in the tree, warbling and chuckling |
| test gave me two straight blue lines we had just | | | | his ancient tale. |
| two weeks left. There were many friends to say | | | | We could only hope, on the day that we sadly left |
| goodbye to and a great deal of delicious food yet to | | | | Darjeeling almost two weeks later, that his tale had |
| be shared. | | | | been fully told. |
| It was hard to imagine that you were growing inside | | | | Your story doesn't finish there my little one. |
| of me, a part of Frans and a part of me but with | | | | Later that week in the plane from Calcutta, the |
| your own mysterious spirit. "Who are you?" we | | | | inflight magazine wrote of the Dalai Lama's early life |
| wondered as we laid our hands on my flat stomach, | | | | before entering the monastery. His mother told how |
| connecting with you. | | | | she knew that she was about to give birth to an |
| It was just two days after the test confirmed I was | | | | auspicious being when 2 crows came knocking at her |
| pregnant that something strange began to happen. | | | | window. We read this news with delight, letting our |
| Frans and I were sitting in our lounge room and I | | | | imaginations fly along the Tibetan plains where magic |
| said, "Look outside - there's a crow in the tree." The | | | | and mystery reside. |
| tree was opposite the bedroom window and normally | | | | Each day that you grew inside of me, I lay down and |
| I would never have commented on seeing a crow - | | | | placed my hands on my head to recite: 'My baby is |
| during the monsoon there must have been at least | | | | going to have a have a quick, smooth and easy |
| 20 in the trees surrounding our house. Yet monsoon | | | | birth". I would place my hands on you, to reassure |
| was long gone and there was something odd about | | | | you too with words and energy: "You are going to |
| this crow that I couldn't put my finger on as it | | | | have a quick, smooth and easy birth". |
| observed me with its beady black eyes. | | | | At 37 weeks, you woke me at 2 am with the news |
| Frans left to go down to the village and I wandered | | | | that you were on the way. At 3 am I woke your |
| around our now half empty house. On entering our | | | | father - get yourself together Dad! At ten minutes |
| bedroom, I gasped, stepping back into the hall again. | | | | past 6 that morning you were born at our local |
| There, flat against the large bay window with its | | | | hospital, too early for the planned birthing centre. |
| chequered glass panes, was this enormous black | | | | Your earliness necessitated a hospital birth but we |
| figure. It was a bird - stretched out to its full length | | | | never saw a doctor just a midwife and she, along |
| from wing tip to wing tip pressed against the glass | | | | with my rescue remedy, gave us the clarity and |
| with one half of its face peering at me. | | | | focus to bring you with ease into this world. As you |
| Not daring to enter in case it became aggressive, I | | | | took your first gasp of air, I already knew of your |
| spied on it through a chink in the door as it balanced | | | | beauty - it was mirrored in the look on your father's |
| precariously on one of the many wooden slats that | | | | face. |
| held the square glass panels in place. It was that | | | | At the end of her shift, the midwife dropped by to |
| same odd crow from this morning, I was sure. | | | | see this family of three who had been Blessed with |
| I retreated and paced the house until Frans returned. | | | | the Initiation of Birth. It wasn't until she left that we |
| When we re-entered the bedroom, we found the | | | | read her name on our daughter's birth certificate - |
| crow sitting watching us from the nearby tree. Frans | | | | Julie Crowe. |
| fearlessly opened the window wide and called out to | | | | Your father tore himself away from you on that first |
| the bird, "You can come in if you want to." The bird | | | | day to drive home to have a shower and pick up |
| didn't respond to the invitation, yet continued to | | | | some extra things. As he walked up our front steps |
| follow our movements from its tree post for the | | | | an eggshell, one half shell resting inside the other, lay |
| rest of the day. It began to dawn on us that its | | | | at the centre of the top step. |
| mission was not a dangerous one. | | | | Nature is not in this world to simply be used to |
| Early the following morning as the jingly-jangly Hindi | | | | satisfy human needs and wants. If we can |
| music from the Darjeeling marketplace wafted up the | | | | understand the magnitude and sheer relevance of |
| hill and the sun crept along our orange curtains, a loud | | | | nature's gifts for us, we will know that we must in |
| "tak, tak" noise jarred us awake. | | | | return nurture nature, treasure its preciousness. |
| Sleepily, we searched out the foreign sound with our | | | | In this way humanity and nature will continue to |
| eyes. Against the sunlit curtains could be seen the | | | | co-evolve, creating existence, together. |
| black silhouette of a fully grown crow, wings | | | | If we no longer learn from, listen or watch for |
| extended. He was back. "Tak, tak" - his beak pecked | | | | nature's signs, will nature become redundant? |
| forcefully at the glass. Loosing balance on the thin | | | | In its redundancy, will humanity be able to continue |
| wooden slat, his wings beat furiously to regain their | | | | its journey? |
| position until he could resume his "tak, tak, taking". | | | | To take from this world is what we do as humans |
| We lay quietly in bed pondering what it all meant until | | | | but at the same time we must give back and care |
| we drifted back to sleep to his rhythmic language. | | | | for that which mothers us - even if that giving back |
| Once the morning sun had risen our two-legged | | | | is simply a nod of acknowledgment. |
| friend returned to his perch on the tree, chattering | | | | If we no longer notice the crow, the magazine |
| away, perhaps recounting a tale intended to | | | | article, the midwife and the sign of a miracle will they |
| subliminally enter our consciousnesses. | | | | all gradually fade from our existence? And once they |
| The next morning the "tak, tak, tak" at the window | | | | vanish, will we gradually fade into the distance too? |
| was less of a shock and more of a thrill. We realised | | | | We have kept that shell for you. It is a reminder of |
| that this was to become a ritual. | | | | the mysterious ways of this world that we must |
| In some way we knew this crow was connected to | | | | never take for granted nor be required to seek to |
| you. Was the crow your protector, your teacher, or | | | | decipher. Not everything needs an answer, but it |
| merely a sign from nature that you were on your | | | | does need to be. |
| way? | | | | These are some of the things we slowly begin to |
| The next day I made my way to the Tibetan doctor | | | | understand as Reiki parents. |
| whom I had been seeing to purify my blood with | | | | Enjoy this world and always give back in order that |
| herbal tablets, preparing me for motherhood. | | | | you can continue to grow and be blessed with a |
| "I think I'm pregnant." I announced. I still couldn't quite | | | | hand to hold on your journey - whether that hand be |
| believe it. "Do you feel sick, heavy in your uterus?" | | | | human, or a special gift from nature. |